Today I had a plan to check out the SFU community choir after work. I’ve been looking forward to singing with them all week. Unfortunately I had some pain last night that resulted in me starting my day sleep deprived. I know that if I go tonight it will only make my pain worse and set me back several days. So today I’m practicing acceptance and acknowledging that maintaining balance is more important than anything. Our current culture is obsessed with productivity and I think many, including myself, feel like we’re lazy or not doing “enough” when we stop and just relax. It took me time to realize that it’s OK to do very little or nothing at all. Am I disappointed that I won’t be singing tonight? Of course? But I’m less disappointed than I would’ve been a few years ago or even 6 months ago. I’ve come a long way in terms of my ability to accept that my health will not always permit me to do what I want when I want and that doing less doesn’t make you any less awesome. Having to adapt and work with my body doesn’t make me weak, it makes me strong.
So tonight I’ll grab some soup, play a little guitar at home, have a nice bath, do some yoga before bed and sleep well. When you think about it, that’s not such a bad way to spend an evening.
Here are some links related to acceptance and balance that I find helpful:
Body Betrayal: How to Cope with Chronic Pain and Illness
Learning to Live Well with Chronic Illness/Conditions
It takes time and practice to establish a new normal.
Grief and Chronic Illness: How to Find Acceptance